WHAT DO YOU THINK??????

Eileen · Admin Age: Join date: 2008-12-19 Posts: 327 Location:

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I WROTE AN EMAIL TO JOE NOLAN.HE WAS A FRIEND OF RONNS AND THEN A FRIEND OF MINE BUT HE SORT OF BLEW ME OFF AND I WAS SO MAD AT HIM I WROTE AND TOLD HIM SO.

I WILL PASTE MY EMAIL ON HERE AND THEN HIS REPLY 2 WEEKS LATER..
PERSONALY I AM NOT OF A MOOD TO ANSWER HIM BACK AT ALL.

JOS IS A HANDICAPED YOUNG MAN IN HIS THIRTIES..IS IN A WHEEL CHAIR MOST OF THE TIME BUT CAN WALK SHORT DISTANCES WITH CRUTCHES. HE NEVER WAS OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSED BY ANY DOCTOR.THEY ARE NOT SURE.
BUT HE IS A VERY INTELLEGENT YOUNG MAN, VERY SMART WITH COMPUTERS
AND I THINK HAS A BIT OF MALE CHAUVENISM IN HIM.

WE BECAME FRIENDS WHEN RONN STARTED TAKING HIM TO HIS CAR AND BASEBALL CARD SHOWS. RONN WOULD WHEEL HIM AROUND AND SLOWING JOE AND I BECAME FRIENDS FROM TALKING ON THE PHONE AND EMAILING.. LAST YR HE WAS THERE FOR RONN..AND I THOUGHT OUR FRIENDSHIP WOULD CONTINUE....

ANYWAY I WILL LET YOU READ WHAT I SAID AND HIS REPLY BACK TO ME..

JUST NEEDING SOME ADVICE....

[color=darkred]-----Original Message-----
From: eileen greenwood [mailto:alwaysilee2005@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, January 17, 2010 4:20 PM
To: Joe Nolan
Subject: DEAR JOE...

I AM REALLY MAD AT YOU AND VERY UPSET. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
AND I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE VISITED CHRISTMAS EVE FOR AN HR OR TWO..KYLE
WAS GOING TO BRING ME...
LIKE I SAID I THOUHT WE WERE FRIENDS THROUGH RONN BUT AS THE MONTHS HAVE
GONE BY IT WAS ALWAYS ME EMAILING YOU OR CALLING. AND I DONT THINK I
OVERDID IT OR TRIED TO LAY A WIDOWS GUILT TRIP ON YOU.

I WILL ALWAYS APPRECIATE HOW RONN FELT ABOUT YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU WERE
THERE FOR HIM DURING HIS LAST MONTHS.. I THANK YOU FOR THAT.

BUT WHY DID IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ME CALLING YOU. WHY COULDNT YOU HAVE PICKED
UP THE PHONE AT LEAST ONCE TO CALL ME.

THAT WAS VERY MUCH A ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIP.

I AM SORRY IF YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD TO BE STUCK WITH ME AFTER RONN DIED OUT OF
A SENSE OF DUTY.. YOU DIDNT.
BUT YOU EVEN TOLD ME WE WERE FRIENDS.

IF YOUR EMIL GOT LOST ABOUT CHRISTMAS EVE AND KNOWING HOW MUCH YOU KNEW I
WANTED TO COME THEN WHY DIDNT YOU CALL?

YES THIS HAS BE BUGGING ME FOR WEEKS.

YOU HAD BEEN THE ONLY ONE TO KEEP YOUR WORD... THEN THAT DIED.

I WOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOUR PROBLEMS TOO. I USED TO.

BUT I THINK IN THE END IT REALLY MEANT NOTHING ON YOUR PART.

I DONT WISH YOU BAD THINGS AND I HOPE YOUR HEALTH IS GOOD
BUT YOU HAVE HURT MY FEELINGS VERY BADLY AND I NEEDED TO LET YOU KNOW.

THIS IS NOT HOW FRIENDS TREAT EACH OTHER.

EILEEN

HIS REPLY...
From: "Joe Nolan" View contact detailsTo: "'eileen greenwood'" Hi Eileen

I'm sorry that I upset you. Christmas was crazy around here and as I have
said, I in no way was trying to ignore you

THATS IT.. TO ME IF HE WAS SICK OR HIS MOM AND DAD HE COULD HAVE LET ME KNOW THE OPEN HOUSE WAS OFF FOR CHRISTMAS EVE..BUT HE DIDNT. I REALLY FEEL I JUST SHOULD NIP IT IN THE BUD AND NOT REPLY. JUST LET IT END. HE OBVIOUSLY MUST WANT THAT TOO. FOR AWHILE HE WAS LIKE A LITTLE BROTHER TO ME. HE KNEW RONN THE BEST AND IT WAS JUST EASY TO TALK ABOUT RONN WITH HIM.WE USUALLY LAUGHED. THATS WHY IT HURT SO BAD WHEN HE LOST INTEREST..

cinders · Age: Join date: 2008-11-03 Posts: 981 Location: ENGLAND UK

GOD KNOWS EILEEN, IM INCLINED TO SAY BLOW HIM, BUT I GUESS U KNOW HIM SO MUCH BETTER,MAYBE HE HAS PROBS THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO BURDEN YOU WITH AT THIS TIME/???? RE RONN.

DID YOU EMAIL A LOT PRIOR TO THIS?, HE COULD BE FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO ADJUST RE YOU NOT HAVING RONN, AS IN UPSET AND IT MAKES IT WORSE SEEING YOU ON YOUR OWN?????

DEPENDS HOW MUCH YOU CARE, DONT PUT YOURSELF THROUGH TOO MUCH THOUGH ,

LOVE CIS XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Eileen · Admin Age: Join date: 2008-12-19 Posts: 327 Location:

HI CINS
WHILE RONN WAS WITH ME.. JOE AND I TALKED A LOT AND EMAILED TOO BUT MOSTLY TALKED.YES HE WAS BROKEN UP OVER RONNS DEATH BUT WE DID TALK ABOUT IT A LOT AT THE BEGINNING.

IVE BEEN TO HIS HOME..HE LIVES WITH HIS PARENT A FEW TIMES.

IVE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT HIS GIRL TROUBLE AND SOMETIMES DEEPLY PESONALY STUFF SO I REALLY THOUGHT WE MAYBE HAD A LONG TERM FRIENDSHIP GOING..
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HE IS EXTREMELY SMART AND DOESNT MIND LETTING ANYBODY KNOW.

WHEN YOU COME RIGHT DOWN TO IT I DONT THINK HE REALLY WANTED TO BE TRUE FRIENDS WAS JUST NICE TO ME WHEN I CALLED..EVEN THOUGH HE DID LEAD ME TO THINK WE WOULD BE LASTING FRIENDS..
SO THATS WHY I THINK I SHOULD JUST END AS IT IS. HE DOES HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS SO HE WILL NOT SUFFER..

ALSO BECAUSE IF HE THINKS THAT WOMEN.. ANY WOMEN SHOULD CALL HIM FIRST THEN THATS NOT KOSHER WITH ME.

I SHOULD SAY I VERY MUCH LIKED HIS PARENTS TOO SO THATS LOST BUT WE WERE NOT AS CLOSE.

THEY ALL LOVED RONN AND GOT A KICK OUT OF HIM BUT NOW HE IS GONE.. I THINK THEIR FEELING ARE NOT AS STRONG FOR ME SO THATS IT.
I AM PRETTY SURE ABOUT THAT.

I AM SURPRISED HE BOTHERED EMAILING ME BACK BUT YOU SEE HOW SHORT IT IS AND HE REALLY DOESNT THINK HE DID ANYTHING WRONG.. I CAN TELL.

I JUST WISH NOW I DIDNT LET HIM KEEP ALL THE THINGS THAT RONN LEFT THERE.RONN ALWAYS BROUGHT A BOX OF DIFFERENT THINGS EVERYTIME HE VISITED... I THOUGHT WELL WE ARE FRIENDS AND RONN MIGHT WANT HIM TO HAVE THE STUFF. BUT NO MATTER WHAT I WOULD NEVER ASK FOR IT BACK.

I DO THINK AND FEEL RONN WOULD BE UPSET WITH HIM THOUGH FOR THE WAY HE LEFT IT WITH ME. RONN EXPECTED OUR FRIENDSHIP TO GO ON. POOR RONN HE EXPECTED SO MUCH FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE AS REGARDS TO ME AND I TOLD HIM IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AND I WAS RIGHT...I NEVER EXPECTED THE OTHERS TO STAY FRIENDS OR KEEP IN TOUCH EVEN THE PLYMOUTH FRIENDS BUT JOE I DID..THAT IS WHY I ONLY SENT HIM AN EAMIL ABOUT MY FEELINGS.

IF MARY MY MIL WAS STILL WITH US SHE WOULD HAVE ALWAYS STAYED IN TOUCH WITH ME.. I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.. WE TALKED AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK. I MISS THAT,

I THINK NOW I WAS SILLY TO PUT THIS ON THE GROUP.

MAYBE I NEEDED TO SEE MY FEELING WRITTEN DOWN.

THANKS CINS FOR ANSWERING ME..

LOVE, EILEEN

cinders · Age: Join date: 2008-11-03 Posts: 981 Location: ENGLAND UK

OF COURSE YOU WERNT SILLY TO PUT IT ON,
MAYBE HE THINKS RATHER A LOT OF HMSELF, OR PRAPS HE FEELS INFERIOR RE
HIS DISABILITY? OR MORE LIKELY HE GENUINELY DOESNT THINK HE HAS DONE ANYTHING AT ALL ( HE IS A MAN!!!) LEAVING RONN OUT OF THAT ONE THOUGH,

IF ITS GOING TO UPSET YOU ,WHY NOT LEAVE IT FOR A WHILE UNTIL YOU DECIDE
WHAT YOU WANT (FOR A CHANGE)

RONNS MOTHER SOUNDED SO SWEET TOO, ,

PLEASE DONT LET HIM GET YOU DOWN, YOU HAVE TO MUCH GOING ON AND NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,

LOVE YOU CINS XXXXXX
_________________

**Admin** · Subject: Re: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????? Tue Feb 02 2010, 06:53

Eileen,
I don't know what to say.
Maybe it hurts him too much, as you will
always be a part of Ronn to him.
My former in laws from my late husband can
not bare to see me to this day, they still
expect to see him right behind me, and it's
been over 17 years now. Hope you will have
your answer soon.
Hugs...........Dee
_________________

Peaceful Easy Feeling

moreslushymandy · Subject: Re: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????? Tue Feb 02 2010, 08:03

Dear lovely Mom,
Well I can sure understand completely why you are upset hun......it's very hurtful to think you have a good friend only to find later on that you don't and that that friend is no longer there for you.

I really don't know what to say about his strange behaviour except to agree with what Cins and Dee have said but I will add that I think he's being very out of order to treat you in this way and without even offering you any form of explaination.

I'm sure that Ronn would be very upset if he knew how Joe has been treating you and I know that Ronn would have wanted your friendship to continue.
I think that Joe needs to realize that loosing Ronn was a terrible thing to happen to you and that loosing friends too, on top of that, is just very hurtful.

But I do think that you need to protect yourself from any more hurt as regards to Joe.........maybe you should just keep your distance and see what happens hun, it's just that if you email him again, you could be setting yourself up for more rejection and hurt and I wouldn't want that to happen to you.

I wish I could explain his behaviour more for you hun, but people do the strangest things for all sorts of different reasons, or maybe, he just doesn't realize that he's doing anything wrong.......people can be strange like that too.

Please my lovely Mom, don't ever feel silly about putting anything on the group......that's what a good group is all about..........sharing with each other and helping each other whenever we can.

I hope I have helped you in some small way with what I've said hun but the bottom line is you have to think of yourself now, you mustn't let people hurt you, you've had enough hurt and pain to deal with already and you've done so brilliantly well with it. If Joe wants to end a lovely frienship then that's his loss but you can't allow him to be hurting you because that's just not fair.

I'm usually here for if you want to chat anymore about it hun, I know that talking about these things can be such a great help.

Love you loads and sending you loads of big hugs.

Mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Eileen · Admin Age: Join date: 2008-12-19 Posts: 327 Location:

THANK YOU GIRLS FOR YOUR INSIGHTS.
I THINK I AM GOING TO JUST LET IT BE.
IF HE FEELS HE WANTS TO CONTINUE OUR FRIENDSHIP THEN HE HAS TO BE THE ONE TO GET BACK IN TOUCH.
I DO THINK IF I EMAIL BACK I WILL CONTINUE TO GET HURT BECAUSE I THINK HE JUST DOESNT GET IT.

AND I REALLY DO HAVE ENOUGH PAIN AND STUFF GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.. I DONT NEED TO OPEN UP ANY MORE HURT.

LIFE CERTAINLY TEACHES US HARD LESSONS.. AND I NEVER WANTED ANY PITY JUST UNDERSTANDING AND A FEW PATS ON THE BACK NOW AND THEN...WHICH IS WHAT I GET FROM YOU GIRLS.

LIKE I SAID ALL READY... I WILL ALWAYS BE GREATFUL FOR HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH RONN RIGHT TO THE END...HE MADE RONN SMILE AND BE HAPPY TALKING WIH HIM..JOE IS SO SMART IT GAVE RONN SUCH PLEASURE TRYING TO STUMP JOE ON QUESTIONS.

AND JOE NEVER HAD TO WORRY THAT I WAS BEFRIENDING HIM FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAT PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP. HE KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE RONN AND ALWAYS WILL.. SO THERE REALLY WASNT ANYTHING FOR HIM TO FEAR.

MAYBE HE DIDNT THINK I WAS SMART ENOUGH FOR HIM OR DIDNT LIKE ALL THE SAME THINGS..WHO KNOWS.

IT TRULY IS AMAZING WHAT SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY TO YOU AT THE TIME OF A LOVED ONES PASSING.. THE THINGS THEY PROMISE THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO FORFIL.

I NEVER WANTED THAT.
I WANTED HONESTY..BUT IT PROBABLY MADE THOSE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER.

I WILL MISS TALKING ABOUT RONN WITH JOE AND THE OTHER IRS WORKERS WE ALL KNEW IN COMMON.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN MY FRIENDS...

LOVE, EILEEN

cheide · Subject: Re: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????? Tue Feb 02 2010, 12:05

OH Eileen I can't think of anything else to say about this
that hasn't already been said. I see how you would be
hurt and might need to back off. Not sure what his game is.

I will say that you know my ex mother n law passed in Nov.
She was like a 2nd mother to me. I sent flowers and talked to
the family on the phone but I am ashamed to say that I haven't
talked to his husband since right after the funeral. I want to call him
but I just don't know what to say to him. Now I wasn't
as close to him as her cause he was not always around when I
talked to her all the time. I'm not taking up for him but maybe
he just doesn't know what to say right now. I don't know.
Maybe he'll email you again soon.
Hang in there hon.
Hugz
Carol
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candy123056 · Subject: Re: WHAT DO YOU THINK?????? Tue Feb 02 2010, 22:02

Eileen...I also agree that you should just let it be...he may never open up to tell you why he hasnt contacted you...sometimes its just better left alone...never know what's going on in someone else's head...if its missing Ronn, then he will have to deal with it...he also has to deal with throwing your friendship away...

You are a strong person and deserve to have people with better morals around you...take care and know that you will run into inconsiderate more people...proud of you for speaking up and letting him know that you are no longer going to be a doormat...hugs, Candy

Eileen · Admin Age: Join date: 2008-12-19 Posts: 327 Location:

HI CAROL..
IM SORRY MY POST BROUGHT UP SOMETHING PERSONAL FOR YOU HON. YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PERSON I BELIEVE YOU SHOULDNT WORRY.

AND AS FOR JOE.. HE IS NOT SHY ONE BIT.
WE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING ABOUT RONN SO THATS NOT A FACTOR EITHER.. HE EVEN TOLD ME ABOUT TIMES HE CRIED SO HE IS NOT AFRAID TO SHARE FEELINGS..

HI CANDY.. THANK YOU FOR WEIGHING IN HERE..

I DO HAVE ENOUGH ON MY PLATE WITH PLAYING GAMES WITH JOE..

SO I WILL NOT BE GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIM AGAIN..IF HE DOES EMAIL ME I WILL SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY AND THINK ABOUT IT.

BUT LIKE I SAID I DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN.

MY MAIN CONCERNS RIGHT NOW IS WORKING ON ME.. AND THIS MONEY PIT OF A HOUSE.

LOVE YOU ALL FOR HELPPING ME..
HUGS, EILEEN